Eish, but it is Miguna Miguna ...........

The list of Kenyans who have written books on democracy and governance with specific reference to corruption and rot in government of the day is long but none has ever been marketed like peeling back the mask authored by Miguna Miguna. Many indeed have written books expressing disappointment, betrayal, ingratude, disaffection, by those they purportedly helped to ascend to positions of influence but none has ever campaigned for the purchase of his book like Miguna Miguna. The lone actor in Peeling Back the Mask melodrama is no ordinary man. Not in the magnitude of his view of things and general disposition. When practicing law in Canada his law firm had no website but his ego had one, www.migunamiguna.com; his law firm had no official e-mail but his ego had one ,migunamiguna@migunamiguna.com. As my friend Charles Owino joked, he returned this month from Canada in two jets –one cargo jet bearing his ego. Eish, but it is Miguna Miguna we are talking about! 

One of our founding fathers, Mzee Jaramogi Oginga Odinga, who declined presidency in solidarity with Mzee Kenyatta, suffered terrible disaffection with the latter on matters ideology and wrote Not Yet Uhuru. However, it never went into records that he marketed his book from county to county. Nay, province to province and district to district. Had it not been for his belief in solidarity and national unity, Mzee Odinga would have been the first president of Kenya. His memoir, Not yet Uhuru, is an objective master piece with chronology of events from the struggle for independence to the betrayal of the people. The tone of the book is neither sarcastic not bitter but moderated with clarity of political thought and facts. He did not launch it in full glare of media with ‘come, baby come’ flare and fanfare. Eish, but it is Miguna Miguna - the jilted lover and not Jaramogi the nationalist capable of such feat.

Alas! There is one John called Githongo who prevailed upon Machella Wrong to document the ills and rot of Kibaki administration that invented such monumental scandals like Angloleasing (Kenyan Watergate) after resigning when it was his ‘time to eat’ -and not when he had been sacked. Anyway, the 400 feet vessel from Angloleasing docked at Mombasa Port yesterday –more money into few pockets. Even though there is latent sarcasm as is the wont of Machela Wrong’s penmanship (if In the Footsteps of Mr Kurtz is anything to go by), Githongo in that book is not Omniscient Being around whom every game of power play revolves. But it is Miguna Miguna the social pariah whose idea of self importance and indispensability merge to sire the largest ego on this planet, and claims to have made Hon. Raila Odinga. There is rapacious megalomania even in his perceived roles in coalition government jostling. Unlike Mr.Miguna, Githongo took his time documenting every important detail with clinical precision and with an art only known to meek souls before releasing a dossier that almost brought Kibaki regime to its knees. Githongo is a Governance guru. He is artistic in his approach to issues and addresses the system not the individual. His diminutive ego in inverse proportion to his size does not produce ‘come and kneel before me and kiss my feet’ performances. He recedes to a secret location in London, incognito, until BBC combs the street for a live interview. Mr Githongo smiles faintly but confidently while occasionally adjusting his glasses as he meekly ‘peels off’ incontrovertible evidence complete with value added analysis of his works. He is not a ‘carcass peeling’ bald headed vulture ‘gliding at an impunity trajectory’. 

When the book finally comes out of print people buy it without being on The Bench or 47- county-hall salesmanship.Evidently, Githongo’s book launches itself. Even Machela Wrong who has written more books than Miguna can spew insults, does not travel to Kenya fraying her skirt in public just to launch It is Our Time to Eat. Eish, but it is Miguna Miguna who claims to have been politically babysitting Raila Odinga! Miguna the self-made spin doctor is no ordinary man even in his relationship with family. When he was campaigning for Nyando parliamentary seat in 2007, he paraded his father before all and sundry just to testify how he (Miguna) had been supporting the family. What do you expect? Whoever can call upon his father to proclaim public gratitude for a private matter may demand a ‘kneel before me’ and ‘kiss my feet’ worship from his superiors. That unique person can only be a Miguna Miguna.

Eish, but Miguna Miguna is the only one with a head (if you chose to ignore the bald) that bears intellect in Kenya. Even the veteran columnist, Philip Ochieng’ who can easily pass for one of the most learned Kenyans earned an epithet on ‘lazy alcoholism’ and ‘airlift spoon feeding’.  The columnist’s shortcoming in the light of Miguna’s insult is being a beneficiary of Tom Mboya’s airlifts. How could that lofty columnist enjoy ‘air rides’ when Miguna was making himself? The error of ‘spoon feeding’ on the part of acquiring education is a governance shortcoming, that is, if Peeling Back the Mask has anything to do with Democracy and Governance. Who on this planet survives Miguna’s wrath of judgement? Referring to Comrade Wafuka Buke in his book, Miguna says he is only an incorrigible drunkard. For starters Wafula was a political prisoner for five long years in Kamiti when Miguna was sort of ‘making’ himself in ‘exile’ in Canada. He spits vile venom punctuated by ‘god among mortals’ theatrics every time he opens his ‘righteous’ mouth.

Eish, but it is Miguna who can embark on ‘annoy the people’ tour and expect to be received with jubilation rivaling Christ’s triumphant entry into Jerusalem with crowds signing ‘Hosanna Hosanna in the Highest’ or ‘come, baby came and sell your falsehoods and insults here among us’. He does not disappoint in his enormous capacity to disappoint. Miguna spewed insults in Kisumu Social Hall calling his listeners ‘stupid idiots’ and ‘voting robots’. They were too cultured and cultivated to part with blows, even if violence is an extension of dialogue. In dialogue people exchange words; in violence they exchange objects (hard facts). In his own confession, Miguna ‘wanted people to be angry and they are angry’ (ignore the tautology). Our good crusader drinks from the cup but not to last dregs. He runs, oh boy! He runs! 

Eish, but Miguna Miguna’s book is no ordinary book either. It has to be preached like Holy Bible, Qur'an and Hind Gita, starting from Jerusalem to Samaria and Judea. The Gospel of ‘peeling back the mask’ is salvation Miguna style. The State too is not disappointing either. Despite tens of citizen losing their lives in Tana River delta and Wajir, Miguna deserves many more security personnel in his quest to ‘peel back more masks’ in every county.  Ah! Newtonian law of equal action and reaction forces translates socially as one Destroyer 05 (who is evidently neither luo nor Gor Mahia fan) could not put up with a few insults. He ‘peeled off’ the glasses, the cap and the shoe as ‘baby’ fled for safety.  As my favourite poet Robert Frost puts it in Two Tramps,” Except as a fellow holds and axe, he had no way of judging a fool”, we may also say that by the way Destroyer 05 held a catapult (not a sling) he is not by long shot a Luo .It beats logic that you anger people and expect them to compose songs in your praise. The people beat Miguna Miguna because they love him. He should therefore take the beatings with delight as an act of masochism or ‘self-laceration’ -the Brothers Karamazov way. Eish but that is Miguna the spin doctor who made Raila Odinga. 

The mainstream media has little space for Kenyans angry with Miguna to express their grievances so they take to social media. There was a time when Ugandan president, Yoweri Mseveni, of the ‘Jaluos are mad’ and ‘nyoya reli’ fame sparked social media outrage after his forces tried to annex Migingo Island. At one point it was almost eminent that the social media army was going to execute ‘operation heshimu jirani’ (operation respect your neighbour) but that was nothing compared to ‘come baby come’ on Facebook and tweeter indignation. His head has been superimposed on Mario Balotelli’s Eufa pose among uncountable ridiculous caricatures. Clearly public outrage has to be stretched further by converting Peeling Back the Mask into pdf and sharing it like a virus in the internet. Miguna’s marketing has made the book most infamous yet least sold book in Kenya.

Eish, but Miguna Miguna is a strategist. He found friends who suffer from Railaphobia to bankroll his crusade. After all, enemy of an enemy is a friend for the time being. The friend is rumoured to have bought over 100,000 copies so that they may be distributed freely after county hall lectures. Aren’t these some of the people he ridiculed with his articles on The Star during Hague pre-trial chamber hearings? Oh! Boy, politics has no permanent enmity. He now has enough evidence ‘to take Raila to the Hague’. Eish, but it is Miguna Miguna the spin doctor, the author, the lawyer, the crusader, the know-it-all, the Raila Maker, and the Raila Destroyer wannabe! Eish Miguna has the monopoly of knowledge! Did the Destroyer 05 beat fellow ‘destroyer’ on ‘his meek bald’?

Shem Sam